Big Bamboo, The by Tim Dorsey

Author:Tim Dorsey
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

VISTAMAX STUDIOS

Guards checked IDs. Golf carts zipped between sets.

Upstairs in the administration building, copies of the Hollywood Tattletale lay on both brothers’ desks, folded over to the latest Potemkin article.

“He’s lost it,” said Ian.

“We have to shut him down,” said Mel.

“But how?”

Shouting in the lobby: “What do you think you’re doing? You can’t just barge-”

The door flew open. Mel closed a drawer and sighed. “Nobody knocks anymore.”

In stormed a female theatrical agent with clenched fists. “You motherfuckers!”

“I tried to stop her,” said Betty.

“You raped her!” yelled the woman.

“Uh, Betty,” said Ian. “You can go.”

The door closed.

“Now just calm down,” said Mel.

The woman breathed fire. She had a tangerine scarf and a vague resemblance to Penny Marshall, but lighter hair. “You won’t get away with this! I’ll have you arrested!”

“Take it easy,” said Mel. “Let’s talk about this.”

“Rape is such an overused word,” said Ian.

The woman grabbed an abstract sculpture off a pedestal near the door. Ian ducked. It hit the wall, shattering into countless abstract pieces.

“You’re obviously upset,” said Mel.

“You think this is upset? You have no idea!”

“Back up,” said Ian. “Who got raped?”

“You know damn well who!”

The brothers looked confused. It was sincere. There were so many.

“That baby shower for the stage parents up on Wonderland!” yelled the agent. “Ally Street!”

“Ohhhh,” said Ian. “Her.”

“I think we can clear this up,” said Mel. “Just a big misunderstanding.”

“Nothing happened,” said Ian.

“And it was consensual,” said Mel.

“Ally came on to us. She was really drunk.”

“We helped her into bed before she could fall down the stairs and hurt herself.”

“Bullshit!” said the woman. “You put something in her drink. I’ve heard the stories about you two!”

“How about this,” said Ian. “We give her a part. She’ll even get a few lines, a nice credit for her résumé. We’re still not admitting anything, but we have a lot of respect for you.”

“Your name’s big in this town,” said Mel.

“What is it again?” said Ian.

“Gersh!” she snapped. “Tori Gersh!”

“That’s right.” Mel turned to his brother. “I always told you I liked Tori. Very reasonable person to deal with.”

“We could have a big future,” said Ian. “Why don’t you head on up to legal.” He grabbed his phone. “I’ll call ahead and have them start typing the contract.”

“Is that how you want to play?” said Tori. “Fine! Here’s the deal. Not a small little part with a few lines. A leading role.”

The brothers laughed.

“We can’t do that,” said Ian. “What’s she ever been in?”

“Be sensible,” said Mel. “A small speaking part is the going rate for this kind of thing. Ask around.”

“Not this time,” said Tori. She reached into her purse and threw something. A pile of Polaroid photos scattered across Mel’s desk: the brothers, naked, unconscious in a variety of compromising positions. Accessories, too.

Mel became queasy. “Where’d you get these?”

“Ally wasn’t as smashed as you thought,” said Tori. “You blew it and didn’t put enough in her drink. She woke up first. Not too bad with a camera, eh?”

“Look at this one,” Ian told his brother.

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